Husband  and Wife 

בעל ואישה

It is so difficult to make matches between a man and a woman that the Sages say this has been God’s primary pursuit since creating the world. Some matches are determined by people’s deeds, while other matches are predetermined. 

God pairs a woman with a man only according to the man’s actions…Rabba bar bar Hana says that Rabbi Yohanan says: It is as difficult to pair them as the splitting of the Red Sea, as it is stated regarding the exodus: “God settles the lonely in a home; He joyously leads forth prisoners” (Psalms 68:7).<footnote data-num="11"/>

Is that so? But didn’t Rav Yehuda say that Rav says: Forty days before an embryo is formed, a divine voice [bat kol] emerges and says: The daughter of so-and-so is destined to marry so-and-so…the field of so-and-so is destined to belong to so-and-so. It is not difficult: The predetermined pairing is with regard to a first match, while that pairing that is according to one’s actions is with regard to a second match.

A certain Roman noblewoman asked Rabbi Yosei bar Halafta a question, saying to him: In how many days did the Holy One, blessed be He, create His world? He replied: In six days…. She said to him: What has He been doing from that moment until now? He said to her: The Holy One, blessed be He, sits and makes matches: The daughter of so-and-so is for so-and-so; the widow of so-and-so is for so-and-so; the property of so-and-so is for so-and-so. 

She said to him: Is that His vocation? I too can do the same! I have many slaves and many maidservants; I can pair them in a short while. He said to her: Although it is easy in your eyes, it is as difficult before the Holy One, blessed be He, as the splitting of the Red Sea. Rabbi Yosei bar Halafta went on his way.  

What did the Roman noblewoman do? She took one thousand slaves and one thousand maidservants, and positioned them in rows facing each other; she said: Slave so-and-so will marry maidservant so-and-so, and maidservant so-and-so will marry slave so-and-so, and she paired them all in a single night. The next day they came to her; this one’s skull was cracked, this one’s eye was dislocated, and this one’s leg was broken. She said to them: What happened to you? This maidservant said: I don’t want this man, and that slave said: I don’t want this woman. She immediately sent for and brought Rabbi Yosei bar Halafta before her, and said to him: There is no god like your God; your Torah is true, pleasant, and praiseworthy; you spoke well. 

The students of Rabbi Dostai son of Rabbi Yannai asked him: Why does a man typically court a woman, but a woman does not court a man? Rabbi Dostai answered: This can be compared to a person who lost an item. Who searches for what? Certainly, it is the owner of the lost item who searches for his item.<footnote data-num="12"/>

More than a man wants to marry, a woman wants to get married. 

Reish Lakish said: It is preferable to sit together as two bodies than to sit alone like a widow.<footnote data-num="13"/> <source>(Sota 2a; Bereshit Rabba 68; Nidda 31b; Yevamot 103a; Kiddushin 7a) </source>