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Nedarim

Daf 91a

אַהֲלוֹיֵי דְּהָווּ הָכָא הָאִידָנָא, אִי אַנְתְּ לָא – דִּלְמָא מִנְּהוֹן. אֲמַר רַב נַחְמָן: עֵינֶיהָ נָתְנָה בְּאַחֵר, וְלֵית בָּהּ מְשָׁשָׁא בְּמִלָהּ.

aloe merchants [ ahaloyei ] who were here just now should be blamed; if it was not you, perhaps it was one of them. The case came before Rav Naḥman, who said: There is reason to suspect that she might have cast her eyes upon another man, and therefore there is no substance to her words. She lacks credibility and her statement is unreliable, and so she remains permitted to her husband.

RASHI

אהלויי מוכרי אהלות בשמים:

TOSAFOT

אהלויי מוכרין אהל:

שמא עיניה נתנה באחר ומיירי באשת כהן דאי לאו עיניה נתנה באחר אף בביאת אונס בחיוב שסבורה שהוא בעלה [אסורה]:

הַהִיא אִיתְּתָא דְּלָא הֲוָה בְּדִיחָא דַּעְתָּהּ בַּהֲדֵי גַּבְרָא. אֲמַר לָהּ: הָאִידָנָא מַאי שְׁנָא? אָמְרָה לֵיהּ: מֵעוֹלָם לָא צֵעַרְתָּן בְּדֶרֶךְ אֶרֶץ כִּי הָאִידָנָא. אֲמַר לָהּ: לָא הֲוָה הָדָא מִילְּתָא הָאִידָנָא. אָמְרָה לֵיהּ: אִם כֵּן הָלֵין נָכְרִים נַפְטוֹיֵי דְּהָווּ הָכָא הָאִידָנָא, אִי אַנְתְּ לָא – דִּלְמָא חַד מִנְּהוֹן. אֲמַר לְהוּ רַב נַחְמָן: לָא תַּשְׁגִּיחוּן בָּהּ, נוֹתֶנֶת עֵינֶיהָ בְּאַחֵר הֲוַאי.

It is further related that there was a certain woman who was displeased with her man. He said to her: What is different now? What have I done to make you angry? She said to him: I am upset because you never hurt me while we were engaged in proper relations as you did just now. He said to her: This matter did not occur now. She said to him: If so, it may be that one of the gentile oil merchants [ naftoyei ] who were here just now should be blamed; if it was not you, perhaps it was one of them. Rav Naḥman said to them: Take no notice of her; she has cast her eyes upon another man, and her words are therefore unreliable.

RASHI

נפטויי מוכרי נפט:

TOSAFOT

נפטויי מוכרי נפט והבעל היה כהן כדפרישית:

הַהוּא גַּבְרָא דַּהֲוָה מְהַרְזֵיק בְּבֵיתָא הוּא וְאִינְתְּתָא, עָל אֲתָא מָרֵיהּ דְּבֵיתָא, פְּרָטֵיהּ נוֹאֵף לְהוּצָא וַעֲרַק. אֲמַר רָבָא: אִיתְּתָא שַׁרְיָא, אִם אִיתָא דַּעֲבַד אִיסּוּרָא – אִרְכּוּסֵי הֲוָה מִירְכַּס.

The Gemara relates another incident about a certain man who was secluding himself [ meharzeik ] in a house, he and a certain married woman. When the owner of the house entered, the adulterer burst through the wall of palm branches and fled. Rava said: The woman is permitted to her husband. The assumption is that she did not sin, for if it is so that the man had committed a transgression, he would have hidden himself in the house instead of revealing his identity by escaping in the open.

RASHI

דהוה מהרזק בביתא שהיה סגור עם אשה בבית:

פרטיה נואף להוצא פרץ הגדר:

הוה מירכס בביתה היה מתחבא בבית שלא ירגיש בו הבעל:

TOSAFOT

דהוה מהרזק נהגו ביחוד וחבירו בהחובל (דף פה:) דהרזקיה לאינדרונא:

פרטיה נואף להוצא וערק כלומר פרץ המחיצה ויצא כך כתוב בספרים - ובערוך פירש דהוי נואף הבעל וערק הבעל:

איתתא שריא דאם איתא דעבד איסורא אירכוסי הוי מירכס פירוש היה נטמן מפני הבעל פירשתי ביבמות:

הַהוּא נוֹאֵף דְּעָל לְגַבֵּי דְּהַהִיא אִנְתְּתָא, אֲתָא גַּבְרָא, סְלֵיק נוֹאֵף אֵיתִיב [בְּכִלְאֵי] בָּבָא. הֲוָה מַחְתָּן תַּחְלֵי תַּמָּן וְטַעֲמִינוּן חִוְיָא, בְּעָא מָרִי דְּבֵיתָא לְמֵיכַל מִן הָנְהוּ תַּחְלֵי בְּלָא דַּעְתָּא דְּאִינְתְּתָא, אֲמַר לֵיהּ הַהוּא נוֹאֵף: לָא תֵּיכוּל מִנְּהוֹן, דְּטַעֲמִינוּן חִוְיָא.

The Gemara concludes with one final incident about a certain adulterer who entered the house of a certain married woman. When the man, i.e., her husband, came home, the adulterer went and sat himself behind the door, so that the husband would not know that he was there. There was some cress [ taḥlei ] lying there in the house, and the adulterer, but not the husband, saw that a snake had come and tasted of it, perhaps thereby contaminating it with its venom. The master of the house wanted to eat from that cress, without the woman’s knowledge. The adulterer said to him: Do not eat from the cress, as a snake has tasted of it.

RASHI

בלא דעתא דאיתתא שאילו היתה יודעת לא היתה מניחתו לאכול:

TOSAFOT

בבא דכפא בכניסת הפתח:

אֲמַר רָבָא: אִינְתְּתֵיהּ שַׁרְיָא, אִם אִיתֵיהּ דַּעֲבַד אִיסּוּרָא – נִיחָא לֵיהּ דְלֵיכוּל וְלֵימוּת, דִּכְתִיב ״כִּי נָאֲפוּ וְדָם בִּידֵיהֶן״.

The case was brought before Rava, who said: His wife is permitted to him, for were it so that the adulterer had committed a transgression, it would have been preferable for him that the husband should eat the cress and die. This is because one who commits adultery is also suspected of bloodshed, as it is written: “For they have committed adultery and blood is on their hands” (Ezekiel 23:45),

RASHI

כי נאפו ודם בידיהן דנואפים הורגין הבעלים:

פְּשִׁיטָא! מַהוּ דְּתֵימָא: אִיסּוּרָא עֲבַד, וְהַאי דַּאֲמַר לֵיהּ – דְּנִיחָא לֵיהּ דְּלָא לֵימוֹת בַּעַל, דְּתֶהֱוֵי אִינְתְּתֵיהּ עִלָּוֵיהּ ״מַיִם גְּנוּבִים יִמְתָּקוּ וְלֶחֶם סְתָרִים יִנְעָם״ – קָא מַשְׁמַע לָן. הדרן עלך ואלו נדרים וסליקא לה מסכת נדרים

The Gemara comments: It is obvious that this is the case. What then does Rava come to teach us? The Gemara answers: Rava’s ruling is necessary, lest you say that the man did in fact commit a transgression with the other man’s wife, and the reason that he said to the husband that he should not eat and saved his life is because it is preferable for him that the husband should not die. This is in order that his wife should be to him as it says in the verse: “Stolen waters are sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant” (Proverbs 9:17). That is to say, a person derives greater pleasure from forbidden fruit. Rava therefore teaches us that this is not a concern. Rather, the assumption is that he had not yet actually sinned and therefore acted in the proper manner.

RASHI

מהו דתימא איסורא עבד האי בהדה והאי דאמר ליה הכי משום דלא לימות דתיהוי איתתיה עלויה כי מים גנובים ימתקו קמשמע לן דלא אמרינן הכי ושריא:

TOSAFOT

פשיטא (דהתם) שאף חשוד על שפיכת דמים:

מים גנובים ימתקו כדאמר בסנהדרין ניטל טעם ביאה וניתן לעוברי עבירה קמ''ל דנואף אינו יודע זה וניחא ליה דלימות בעל כדי שישאנה בפרהסיא:

SUMMARY

A husband can nullify vows taken by his wife that involve affliction of the soul, i.e., where the woman took a vow depriving herself of a certain pleasure, small as it may be. After such vows are nullified they are completely void. A husband can also nullify vows described as: Between him and her, i.e., vows that adversely affect their marital relationship. Such vows are nullified only for as long as she is married to her husband, but if he divorces her the vows are in force. There are differing opinions with regard to borderline cases whether or not certain vows are considered vows of affliction or vows that adversely affect the marital relationship. As for other vows, whether they relate to the woman herself or to her relationships with other people, the husband has no authority to nullify them. There are certain vows that the husband need not nullify, as they are not binding, though at times the Sages said that he should nullify them lest he not be careful about the particulars of a vow and come to sin. Although the halakhic authorities disagree about the matter, the majority opinion is that a vow that was partially nullified is not entirely invalidated, and therefore when a woman takes a comprehensive vow and her husband cannot or does not want to nullify it completely, that aspect of the vow that he nullified is nullified, but the rest is still valid. A man can nullify the vows of a woman only if she is under his authority. Therefore, a father cannot nullify the vows of his adult daughter, even if she is still living in his house. He also cannot nullify the vows of his daughter after she marries, even if she was afterward divorced or widowed while still a minor. So too, the vows of a girl orphaned of her father cannot be nullified. A husband can nullify the vows that his wife took while under his authority, even if she stipulated that they should take effect after she leaves his authority, but he cannot nullify them after she has actually left his authority, even if afterward she returns to his authority. If there was some error in the nullification, e.g., a man erred and nullified the vows of his daughter rather than the vows of his wife, or he thought that she took a vow with regard to one thing and it turned out that she had taken a vow with regard to something else, he must nullify the vow a second time. Similarly, if he was mistaken about the halakha and did not know that he is authorized to nullify his wife’s vows, or he did not know that a certain vow could be nullified, he may nullify the vow when he learns of his mistake. While these are the main issues discussed in the chapter, certain other halakhot were discussed as well. It is also explained that a woman may be given a gift even if her husband took a vow that benefit from the donor is forbidden to him, provided that the gift be given in such a way that the husband does not attain possession of it. Incidental to the discussion concerning a woman who takes a vow that renders benefit from her husband forbidden to her, the Gemara brings several cases where the husband is not forced to divorce his wife because of her words, but rather the matter is left to the husband’s discretion.