Serving as a role model is the most important of all educational tools. When a parent does not act properly, how can he expect his child to act properly? In order to pass on proper values to a child the parent must also express his views about both the good and bad that other people do.

A person must be extremely careful not to speak, and certainly not to act, in a disgraceful manner in the presence of his child. And even though the speech or act itself is disgraceful whether or not he says or does it in front of his child, it is nevertheless worse in the child’s presence, for his child might learn from him. For in such a case, if the father disciplines a child, saying, “Why did you do such and such?” the child will respond, “But you did the same thing”…And if a father hears that someone else did something disgraceful, he should make it extremely clear to his children how terrible and disgraceful it is…This is in order that the child should consider the speech or behavior despicable and distance himself from it. If, on the other hand, a person hears that others did something praiseworthy, he should praise it exceedingly before his child, so his child will hear and desire to similarly do something good. (Rabbi Eliyahu de Vidas, Reshit Ĥokhma, Raising Children, 49)

Education is a great responsibility that requires training and preparation of the educator. Not everyone is able to educate, and a person who is not appropriate for the task is likely to do harm. The results of education only become apparent much later in life.

The educator must be careful about how he speaks and should direct the student to focus on his service of God. Praising a student and giving him positive reinforcement enables him to advance, as a child who trusts his educator will also fulfill the educator’s instruction.

Not everyone can educate:

An educator must be specially trained in order for his teaching and guidance to achieve its goals. Not everyone who is called a teacher or counselor can undertake this great responsibility, for someone who is not fitting for the task will not only be unsuccessful at educating, he will actually do harm and will be held responsible for the harm he does.

The results of education are apparent only after a long time:

The fruits of education do not grow overnight. Everything involved in education and guidance, certainly uprooting bad character traits and habits, demands much toil and a long time. In addition, the educator or counselor himself must work on [his own character and habits].

The educator must be careful about how he speaks:

The educator and counselor must know that in his instruction, not only is his choice of words important for effective teaching and counseling, but also the method of expressing those words. Whether he expresses himself with politeness and calm or with agitation and derision will affect the fundamental effectiveness of his teaching and counseling. If, when an educator or counselor speaks, even in general, about one of the greatest of human flaws, but uses inappropriate derisive terms, he will leave a negative impression on the one being educated or counseled. For one who hears derision from his educator or counselor, even when it is accurate, will lose his admiration for him.

The educator should set a path for and focus the student:

The educator and counselor needs to accompany the one being educated or guided little by little, just as one would teach a child to walk, step by step. He must also guide him wisely and carefully in setting priorities [in personal growth]. He should also be very careful about the student not getting involved in two things at once, whether it involves removing shortcomings or strengthening positive qualities.

Positive reinforcement:

Praise and compliments elevate one who is being educated or counseled. They remove him from his present state, and set him on a higher level than he was when he began. Positive reinforcement and rewards encourage and strengthen one who is being educated or counseled. They fill him with the spirit of aspiration for growth from one level to the next, both in scholarship and behavior.

One must weigh his words carefully before speaking to a student:

The educator or counselor must know very well what is fitting and what is improper. For what is fitting is not equally absolute and uniform for all people. Therefore, the educator or counselor must weigh each and every word carefully, especially whether it is fitting or improper, before he says it to the one being educated or counseled. He must then say it with love and affection, with wisdom and intelligence, for “the words of the wise are well received when said calmly” (see Ecclesiastes 9:17). [He must be cognizant of] what is fitting and needs to be done and what is improper and needs to be avoided.

The more an educator is trusted, the more those he is educating will following his direction closely:

To the degree that an educator or counselor knows what is fitting and what is improper, and to the degree that he is diligent in fulfilling the above three conditions of how to relate to those he educates or counsels, his words and instruction will be well received. This is not only for the sake of the discipline of the one educated or counseled, but because the student sees that the educator or counselor thinks everything out deeply. Then, even though he does not know the reason behind it, he will trust the educator or counselor and follow his direction with precision. (Rabbi Yosef Yitzĥak Schneersohn, Principles of Education and Counseling)

One of the Chabad hasidim set out as an emissary of the Lubavitcher rebbe and became the principal of a school. When he once visited the rebbe and went in for a private meeting with the rebbe, the hasid complained that his educational work was taking up all of his time and he was learning much less Torah than he used to.

If a youth finds constant diligent study too burdensome, you should placate him with small things that children love and desire, like honey, roast grain, nuts, and the like. You should say to him, “This is for you, in order that you go to school and study.” When he gets older and no longer likes these, his father should say to him, “Go to school and learn and I’ll buy you a beautiful belt and nice shoes.” When he gets even older he should say, “I’ll give you money so you’ll learn Birkat Hamazon and prayers. He should buy him tzitzit and tefillin to educate him to do mitzvot… (Rabbi Eliyahu de Vidas, Reishit Ĥokhma, Raising Children)

[The Talmud’s statement,] “The power of the son is greater than the power of the father” (Shevuot 48a), [which in context deals with collecting loans,] alludes to the fact that the power of a son’s Torah, good deeds, and proper character are the result of his father’s educating him. (Shenei Luĥot HaBerit, Sha’ar Ha’otiot, Ot Gimel)

Just as putting on tefillin daily is a mitzva from the Torah, incumbent on every Jewish man, with no distinctions made between a great Torah scholar and a simple man; it is likewise an absolute obligation, incumbent upon every Jew, to think for a half hour each day about educating his children. He must do all that is within his power, and even more, to see that his children actually end up going in the path in which he guides them. (Rabbi Shalom Dovber Schneersohn)

Further reading: For more on parenting and education, see A Concise Guide to the Sages, p. 404. For more on the obligation to teach a child Torah, see A Concise Guide to the Sages, p. 487.