Before the wedding, the groom must purchase a wedding ring with which to betroth his future wife. (For a discussion of the customs relating to the wedding ring, see p. 61.) The ring must belong to the groom in order for him to betroth his bride with it.

It is stated in the Zohar that the souls of the celebrants’ deceased parents come to attend the wedding. Accordingly, some people have the custom to visit the graves of their parents and grandparents and “invite” them to the wedding. Some even place a printed invitation on the grave.

It should be noted that while some have the custom not to visit the grave within the first year after death, it is acceptable for a bride or groom to do so if they wish to invite the deceased to their wedding.

There is a practice, especially in Ashkenazic communities, that the bride and groom do not see each other for a week before the wedding.

On the Shabbat prior to the wedding, which Ashkenazim call the aufruf (Yiddish for “calling up”) or Shabbat Hatan, it is customary to call up the groom to the Torah reading.

If possible, it is appropriate to honor the groom with the final aliya, known as the maftir, so that in addition to reciting the blessings on the Torah, he can also read the haftara for the congregation. Some invite the groom’s friends and family members to partake in festive meals together on this Shabbat, in honor of the forthcoming wedding celebration. On Shabbat morning, after prayer services, some have the custom of hosting a kiddush for all the worshippers at the synagogue.

The bride must immerse in a mikva before the wedding. Ashkenazic practice is for this immersion to take place as close to the wedding as possible, and no more than three days before the wedding.