Following the death of one’s father or mother, mourning is observed for a period of twelve months. This mourning period is similar to the mourning of the sheloshim, but it is more lenient in certain respects. The mourning lasts for twelve months, not a full year, which means that in a leap year (which contains thirteen months), it will end one month before the conclusion of the year. Just as in the case of the shiva and the sheloshim, the twelve-month period starts from the day of burial, not from the day of death.

After the passing of a father or mother, the following halakhot of mourning are observed during the twelve months: The mourner may not shave or have a haircut until his hair grows long and unkempt to the point where his friends admonish him for his appearance.

A mourner may not purchase or wear new garments during the twelve-month mourning period. However, if his existing clothing is in poor or neglected condition to the point that he would receive negative comments from his acquaintances, he may buy a new garment, provided that at least thirty days have elapsed since the death.

Mourners may not participate in joyous events or celebrations. With regard to an important event of a close relative, such as the wedding of one’s child, a rabbi should be consulted.

In general, mourners should avoid gatherings and celebratory meals with many participants.

The prohibition of bathing and anointing oneself with oils does not apply at all after the first thirty days of mourning.

It is customary not to send mishlo’ah manot to a mourner on Purim, but the mourner himself does send mishlo’ah manot to others.

Further reading: For more on the laws of mishlo’ah manot on Purim, see p. 265.

It is an Ashkenazic custom for the mourner to change his seat in the synagogue during the year of mourning. It is recommended to consult the gabbai of the synagogue in choosing a new seat. This change is maintained throughout the twelve months. Some have the custom that after the first month one returns to his original seat on Shabbatot.

It is customary for a mourner to serve as prayer leader in the synagogue during the weekday services of the first eleven months of mourning, but not on Shabbat, festivals, intermediate festival days, or Rosh Hodesh.