It is customary to erect a tombstone on a grave. With regard to the timing, there are different customs. Many are careful to erect the tombstone by the end of the sheloshim.

There are no special rules as to how the tombstone should be built, but it would be inappropriate to deviate significantly from what is customary in the cemetery where the deceased is buried. It is distasteful to put up a tombstone that attracts a great deal of attention, whether because it is significantly inferior to the others in the vicinity or because it displays excessive splendor.

Likewise, there are no definitive laws with regard to the inscription on the tombstone. However, there are some accepted norms in this regard: It is customary to write the name of the deceased and the names of his parents, as well as the Hebrew dates of his birth and death. Many people add a few lines that briefly describe the life and accomplishments of the deceased. Some include a biblical verse that expresses a central message of the deceased’s personality. Here too, one should not use excessive praise, and should certainly not stray from the truth. It is proper for the inscription to be in Hebrew.

In the case of a kohen, it is often customary to engrave the image of a pair of hands spread out in the form used for the priestly benediction, a testimony to the status of the deceased.

It is a custom to add at the bottom of the tombstone the Hebrew letters tav, nun, tzadi, bet, heh, an acronym for: Teheh nishmato/nishmata tzerura bitzror haĥayim, meaning, “May his/her soul be bound in the bond of everlasting life” (see I Samuel 25:29).

When someone is gravely ill, it is often customary to add on a name such as Hayim or Haya (meaning “life”) or Rephael (“may God heal”), in order to change their fortune and increase their chances of recovery. Sometimes the patient indeed recovers, but on other occasions his death was already decreed by Heaven and he returns his soul to its Maker. The question then arises: In such a case, is it necessary or proper to include the added name on the tombstone? The answer is that if at least thirty days have passed from when the name was added until his death, the extra name should be included. But if he dies within thirty days of the addition of the name, the extra name is not considered an official addition to the original name and it is not engraved on the tombstone.