During the shiva, when the mourners are sitting at home, it is a great mitzva for others to come and console them. Comforting the mourners provides a good opportunity to talk about the deceased and his life.

Greetings are not offered in a house of mourning, neither from the consolers to the mourner nor vice-versa. Additionally, one should not initiate conversation with the mourner, but should wait for him to start the conversation. However, if one sees that it is difficult for a mourner to begin talking, one may ask a leading question pertaining to the deceased.

In some communities it is customary for visitors not to eat in a house of mourning. By contrast, Sephardim do the exact opposite: They hold large meals; anyone who comes to visit recites a blessing loudly before eating, and those present answer “amen” in response. They intend for the blessing and the amen to be a merit for the soul of the deceased.

When the comforters get up to leave, it is customary for them to say one of the following phrases of blessing to the mourners:

Ashkenazim say:

“May God console you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”

Some add: “And may you know no further sorrow.”

Sephardim say:

“May you be comforted from heaven.”